Hi all,
I have been on the forum for a while but this is my first post. I have read a ton of great information here but have not seen much on this topic.
How many of the members have or do overland with children with autism? I have a 5 year old son who was diagnosed this year. He loves being outdoors. He is non-verbal, fear-less and full of energy.
For those who have, what advice and/or warnings can you provide from your experiences?
Thanks ahead of time!
Don't Know how I missed this thread. but thanks for starting it. I apologize ahead of time this could be a long post.
My son just turned 26 and is Autistic. He is highly developed and unless you look him in the eyes would not think he was any different than anyone else. He has the typical traits both good and bad. He has his routine (don't upset it) not because he gets angry, but it throws everything else out of wack. He is repetitive etc. If you have an Autistic child, you know what I am talking about. I can go into a whole other thread on that if folks want to know.
Backstory
He is not my biological son. I have known him since he was five, his dad was one of my best friends. He took his own life when my son was 11. I married his mom 2 years later. During those 2 years I took him tried to take him under my wing and get him outdoors. We also went to Nascar, Baseball, Football - sporting events. I met his dad and mom tailgating as part of a club for a college team. So, when his mom and I married he started calling me Dad and started calling his real dad Old Dad.
The 1st outdoor gear I got him was a kayak and it took three 12-hour days of him throwing fits in the lake because he could only go in circles once he figured it out he is one of the best paddlers I know. He reads the water in the river he knows the lines to take after a single try. We moved to a school district that had a good record for dealing with special needs children. He was taken und the arm by the Band Directors whom to this day we are friends with and spend time fishing, hunting, movie watching with. He and I spent a lot of time together fishing doing school stuff or him riding in his spot in the truck RR passenger. His mom over that time did not want to do those things and unfortunately, we only stayed married 5 years. We separated and she moved out during my son's junior year of high school. He decided he wanted to live with me and because we did everything together. We spent the next 4 years camping, hunting, fishing going to sporting events and doing everything band. The School he was at has a Marching band that competes at the national level. We have spent every November in Indianapolis where they compete in Grand Nationals at the Lucas Oil Stadium. These kids are rock stars they travel on charter busses have for Semis full of gear and props. It's cool. State law allows special needs kid to stay in school till they are twenty-one and since his BD was in April he got to stay until 22. We had to change his graduation ring three times his first and second year and then waited till his final year to change it again. When he finally got to walk, he did a power pose and the students erupted (even though they were not supposed to)
The point of the above was it was his routine and what he knew he was in his element and we had no serious issues. He was not mad at his mom, but she was not a part of his daily routine. It was hard for her, but she was doing what was best for him. They spoke before school and at dinner and before bed every day. She never wanted to accept he was not normal after all if he could do all these things how he could not be.
After he got out of school however his routine was broken. We tried several work types programs and he was miserable. When he was home in his element, he was fine, when we were on the go he was fine. What I started to figure out during this time was his relationships were particularly important. He had to be around folks he trusted and had something in common with. The work programs didn't have that.
Where I am going with this is, I was slowly figuring out he did everything based on memory and learning it. He has no concept of why IE no critical thinking or problem solving. He could repeat what he saw or heard. He never missed a note on his trombone but could not tell you the note or read it on a sheet of music. He can paddle any river out there, but he can't tell you why he went left or right. He can play video games but doesn't understand it's a process and if you miss the order in the process you never get the next level and it does not bother him he keeps going. He has no idea what happened to his dad just that he is not here. If he wants to do something or wants something, he won't ask directly for it. For instance, if he wants to go fishing, he will tell me the river levels form the app on his phone. He doesn't understand the river levels other than seeing the graph is up or down and it's may we should be fishing. If he wants pizza, he will say something like Jalapeno on a stick which I have to decipher he wants pizza. Pizza has jalapenos on it therefore can we have pizza tonight.
He is a great kid and has learned to do the right things growing up, but he does not understand why they are the right things. And when he would get frustrated as a child it was because he was a child in the adult's mind. He got in a fight with a cousin over a video game (that's just what kids do, and we would blow it off) yes, he would be disciplined but every kid is.
As most of you who have Autistic Children, they can become possessive. That possessiveness not only included thier things but also thier parents' stuff and it is a serious thing for them.
As an adult this can be a problem. We had an incident for the first time a year ago. We went shopping like we always do and as we were walking into the store a young man ran by my son and my son reached out and grabbed him. Needless to say, it was a shock for everyone involved. The young man's dad tackled my son I grabbed my son and held him down till he was calm. No harm to the young man but because he was 13 my son was arrested because the law requires it for anyone assaulted under 14 or over 60 is automatic arrested and charged with felony battery. I get it I am not mad about it. They took him to jail and when I posted his bond every officer there came out and couldn't figure out why he was there. They talked about sports the whole time he was there (the having something in common part) The only thing I could come up with is he was taught to not RUN IN PUBLIC PLACES and he isn't cable of saying stop running so the next be thing is reactionary. I can't say and I will never know because he can't explain it for him it's over, done and behind him. He will get chattery and agitated if it comes up, but he's upset with the young man's dad for punching him. It should be over and done with the states mental evaluation said he was not cable of helping his attorney in defending himself and the charges should be dropped. But with what has been going on the courts are closed so we won't know what the judge says till they open.
I love my son very much and have done everything I can to protect him. It was much easier when he was a child. However as an Adult my senses must be heightened. Hormones, growth boy-man wise changes things more than I expected.
So now that all of that is out there back to your original question.
Yes, you can take your son and have a wonderful time doing it. You will and obviously have had to sacrifice your time, wants and needs. Take a few short trips on your own or with one of the other members who understand you are trying to feel out your son's reaction. Start small and work your way up with groups. As he gets older be ready for change because it will happen. We have no idea what's spinning in thier minds and it makes it so hard. Let the folks around you know he is not a typical kid and if they can help watch out for him (not disciplining or yelling etc) My brother in law was the worst until he figured out yelling makes it harder. So many folks want them to be a part but don't understand they can't force them to participate. My son puts headphones on and listens to music when he becomes overwhelmed. Let folks know that is OK.
At his age I would also look at getting him a PLB and try to get him to understand when you hit the trail he has to have it in a fanny pack/small backpack with a whistle and blanket power bars and he has to wear it all the time except in his sleeping bag. Once he learns it, he will never be without it. With my son its lifejackets and seatbelts. Having a five-year-old get away from the group is not a good thing but there are solutions for that. Your wallet will scream but it is the safest way to have peace of mind. Take the time to teach if he is capable of Stop. Stay and push the button or blow a whistle. All the things we would teach a normal kid.
Think about the events you want to go to like Overland West etc and let the folks know you need Accomodation's for your son. That could be a quiet area to camp you will figure those things out as you do them. Most places and events will help. This applies to everything and everywhere if you want to take him to see the Lion King Play and need accommodation's call the venue well ahead of time and let them know they will help. Ask for the Manager or the ADA rep. You may not get front row seats, but you will get a safe place to have the most normal experience you can. without you feeling like your creating a problem.
I know this may sound selfish but remember you must stay healthy and sane. If you need to take some trips on your own do it. It is hard to take the time for yourself feeling your leaving him behind but if your healthy your trips with him will be that much easier and a lot more enjoyable. I say that knowing how hard it is to not want my son there all the time. You are in for some great years ahead and I wish you the best if you need to talk or bounce idea let me know I'm an open book. That also means in finding resources as he gets older that have nothing to do with overlanding. At 5 he is just getting to the point where getting him the resources and help he will need to get through School and graduating are going to be needed. They exist and can be hard to find but they are there.
Dont hesitate to ask I may not have an answer but I can and will help you find them.
www.assistiveware.com
