SUWA demands "no shoes" on public lands

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Rank III

Advocate II

This was an article published in the local newspaper, I thought some of you might enjoy it.
Strictest land protection measure yet
The Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance (SUWA) announced at a press conference on Monday, April 1, that it would soon launch a campaign for its toughest land protection measure yet - a complete ban on footwear within public lands.
"It's the next logical step," SUWA executive director Scott Groene said. "You don't wear your shoes into your mother's house, and you shouldn't wear your shoes into Mother Nature's house either."
The environmental organization, known for successfully banning all wheeled, motorized and non-motorized vehicles, as well as energy development from all public lands, says that it expects the 'no shoes' policy to go into effect by midsummer.
"No one listened when we asked people to 'tip-toe around the crypto," Groene said. "Now, maybe they'll get the point."
SUWA says that the new regulations would require all users of public lands to remove footwear before entering any BLM, forest service, wilderness area. "Shoe-stations" with cubbyholes will be installed by the appropriate agencies at heavily-traveled entry points to various public lands.
Groene indicated that his staff and many of its members are already adhering voluntarily to the rule.
Reached for comment while walking barefoot on the Corona Arch trail, SUWA volunteer Miley Keller said, "Ooo! Ouch! Stupid goat-heads," as she removed a thorn from her heel, "Sorry, what was the question?"
Local outfitters throughout town are outraged by the campaign, saying that companies have threatened to pull their shoes from the shelves.
"Teva is one of our biggest partners." Moab Adventure Center co-owner Jason Taylor said. "If they pull out because of this regulation, we may as well pack up and go home."
Moab resident Don Bertrum said he was fed up with SUWA unbridled influence over public lands policy-making. "In 2003 they kicked out all the oil and gas wells," he said. "They told us that by 2014 all of our cars would be running on solar energy and moonbeams. Well that didn't happen. And now I gotta go barefoot. It's just too much."

Pay close attention to the date of this article, some people in town didn't catch on. This is from 2014.